Tales of long ago
by iridescent mists
Summary: Some short & hopefully entertaining oneshots based on a variety of fairy tales. Please R&R! Chapter 3 now up! Based on Catskin.
1. One: Be Careful What You Wish For

**A/N:** This is basically a series of short fairy tale one-shots (if that's not an oxymoron), because it's much easier to put them all in one story when it comes to things like thinking up summaries (not my greatest talent). I'd call them drabbles, but they're a bit too long. Perhaps duodrabbles?

The first one is based on the story of Thumbelina

**Disclaimer:** You may be very surprised to learn this, but I do not own any fairy tales whatsoever.

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**One: Be Careful What You Wish For**

"I'm sorry, Mrs…"

"Kittleson" came the snap.

"…Mrs Kittleson, but the Association of Assorted Mysterious Fairy Helpers does not do refunds or exchanges. Under any circumstances."

"I wished for a child and what do I get? A shrimp! Look at her. Just look! Is that the size a child should be? She's no bigger than… than…"

"Your thumb, Mrs Kittleson. I believe your exact words were: 'Oh, I wish I had a child, be it no bigger than my thumb.' I'm afraid you got precisely what you asked for."

Mrs Kittleson stood up, her face darkening with rage to a fetching shade of plum.

"Don't you go trying to turn my own words against me, you chit. I know people. I have friends where it counts. You'll see. One way or another, you will give me a proper daughter, you arrogant stuck-up b– _awck_!"

There was a noise best described as "_pouffff_!"

The fairy sitting behind the desk stood up and leaned forward to regard the small green frog crouching bemusedly on the floor in front of her. She smiled, very slightly.

It never pays to threaten a fairy godmother. Especially one holding a wand.

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Please let me know what you thought, and if I should bother doing some others. Thanks

iridescent mists


	2. Two: Blessings and Curses

**A/N:** Wow, an update already! Shock, horror! It must be the holidays. Thank you very very much for the reviews:

Aerinha: Well, this one's a bit longer, and the next one will be longer still. Does that help? I'm really glad you enjoyed it – I've also been really liking your stories (I'm just too lazy to have reviewed them yet).

Phillippa of the Phoenix: There's always someone who asks awkward questions, isn't there? I was hoping that no-one would notice ;-) Ummm… Thumbelina is adopted by the fairies (some of the short variety), given a better name, raised in a loving home, and ends up marrying the fairy prince (the one that she marries in the original version). Thus the same eventual outcome is achieved without all the mucking around in the middle with frogs, beetles, moles, etc. Sorry about the lack of resolution to the story – hopefully matters will improve.

This one is based on the story of Sleeping Beauty. It was written with the help of my sister's kitten, who enjoys walking on the keyboard and trying to catch the cursor on the screen. Any typos are probably her fault.

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**Two: Blessings and Curses**

"I decree that on the princess's sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on a spindle and _die_!"

The evil fairy Maligna (her parents had actually named her Daphne, but how could you inspire any terror with a name like that?) looked with satisfaction around the hall, taking in the stunned, pale, faces, everyone turned to watch her, and her alone. She revelled in the moment, drinking in the shocked silence, sneering at the eleven ineffectual twits standing helplessly by the dais. Call themselves fairies? Why, they were barely fit to wield a – wait a moment, eleven? Hadn't there been twelve invited?

There was a slight rustle of cloth behind her, only audible by virtue of the near-complete silence (there were also a few gurgling sounds coming from the cradle; babies have no sense of occasion). Maligna spun, brushing away the last wisps of eerily-glowing green smoke surrounding her. The twelfth, and youngest, fairy extracted herself from behind the curtain and walked forwards, nervously fiddling with her wand. It had a big glittery gold star stuck on top of it. She ignored Maligna entirely (much to the latter's outrage) and stepped up to address the king and queen.

"Your Majesties, " she began, twiddling her wand harder, "it is with deepest regret I announce that I cannot lift this dreadful curse."

"You're right, you can't." sneered Maligna, wondering where this was going.

"However, " the fairy continued, as if Maligna had not spoken, "I can ameliorate it."

Before Maligna could react, the fairy turned to the princess's cradle and began flourishing her wand.

"You shall not die when you prick your finger. Instead, you shall fall into a deep sleep, a sleep that shall last for one hundred long years, until your true love awakens you with his kiss. Furthermore, the castle and all the life within it shall sleep with you. Thus do I spell you."

She turned back to face the king, face calm, waiting for his words of thanks. The king stared at her for a while, mouth moving silently, speechless with astonishment. Eventually, he managed to get some words out.

"Excuse me? This is meant to be an improvement?"

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As always, thank you very much for reading, hope you liked it, and please review.

iridescent mists


	3. Three: More Than One Way to Skin a Cat

**A/N:** Hmmm…well…so much for the speedy updates. Holidays again! Hopefully this means there will be more coming (and I promise to _finally_ update TFGM as well. Six months between updates is perhaps a little excessive).

Thank you very very much to my reviewers:

**Druantia** (I hope that's right) : D

**Phillippa of the Phoenix:** Thank you :-) I tend to prefer very short stories because they're easier (and quicker) to write. I do have some longer stuff coming, but probably not until the end-of-year break.

**Metaphorical:** Thanks! I prefer the first one too. I'm not so sure about this one, either – it's a bit different in style from the last two, and I'm not quite sure if it works.

**Ardelis Mercy:** It's not so much that the king disliked the blessing, it's that he couldn't see the point. Is sending the _entire_ castle to sleep for a hundred years really any better than having the princess die? Surely they can always get more princesses… ;-). Thanks for your comments – and I have been enjoying your story too; it's very well-written.

This story is based on Catskin. Apologies if you've never read it, as it's not one of the most common of tales, but it's one of my favourites, and the opportunity just seemed too good to pass up. I'll get back on track next time with Cinderella.

Basically, it's quite similar to Cinderella, with more of a PG rating. The main idea is that the scullery maid, Catskin, who's really a princess in disguise (are there any scullery maids who _aren't_ princesses in disguise?) has been attending the palace ball secretly in a gorgeous dress and captivating the (unmarried) king. After the ball, he sends for some soup, which Catskin makes and slips her golden ring into (I don't imagine it does much for the soup). He then summons her and quizzes her about where it came from, but she won't say anything. My story begins here…

**Disclaimer:** You may be very surprised to learn this, but I do not own any fairy tales whatsoever.

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**Three: More Than One Way to Skin a Cat**

The cook stood in the centre of the room, eyes wide, knees trembling. To either side of him was an armed guardsman, standing straight and stern, accounting for most of his fright. The rest was due entirely to the presence of the reigning monarch not three feet in front of him, who leaned forward and asked with a terrifying intensity:

"Was it you who made my soup?"

The cook answered with a strangled "No, Majesty"

"_Then who was it_?"

The cook gulped, he shivered, he shook, he gasped out:

" Catskin, Majesty. The scullery maid, Majesty." His posture sagged as the king's regard abruptly left him, switching to the guardsmen.

"Bring me Catskin."

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Later, the same room, the same guardsmen, but standing between them was a curious creature indeed. What little could be seen beneath the parti-coloured fur mantle was smeared and smudged with dirt. The whole had a hunched stance, with a lowered head. This, then, was Catskin.

The king began:

"Did you make the soup that was brought to me not an hour ago?"

"Aye, Majesty." The voice was calm, and surprisingly melodic.

"Then tell me where you got… _this_ from!" Brandished triumphantly in the king's hand was a golden ring.

Silence.

"It was at the bottom of the bowl" he prodded.

Silence.

"Where did a scullery maid get such a valuable trinket?"

Silence.

"Tell me where it came from!"

Silence.

Then: "I am only the scullery maid, Majesty. I'm fit for naught but to have old boots thrown at me."

"You'll get a damn sight more than that if you don't tell me where this ring came from!"

Silence.

"Answer me!"

"I am only the scullery maid, and I'm fit for naught–"

"As I thought. Guards, take this creature to the dungeons. The penalty for thieving" he informed Catskin, whose former cool composure had suddenly vanished, "is the loss of one hand. Perhaps you should have considered this earlier. Take her."

The guardsmen moved with brutal efficiency. Catskin had only time to half-turn towards the door before heavy gauntlets clamped down on each arm. The king caught a glimpse of a frightened, soot-streaked face and huge eyes dark with terror as they wrestled her towards the door.

"No, wait, I can explain–" her shriek was cut off by the guardsman's hand.

"Too late." said the king, as the door slammed shut behind the guards, and their writhing prisoner. He sighed, somewhat upset by the whole unpleasant business. Far better to let his mind dwell on nicer things…

He remembered once again the music, and the way her dress, shining like the sun, had swirled around her. The way she had moved, like an angel, and the look in her beautiful eyes through the apertures of the mask. Ah! And he had never even found out who she was. But there was to be another dance in a month's time. Perhaps she would come to that…

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It's a bit…different…from the last two, and probably a bit less funny, but I hope that you still liked it.

As always, thank you very much for reading, and if you liked it, please feel free to review.

- iridescent mists -


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